Twitter for idiots

1. Go to and sign up.

It will tell you if your name is already taken or if you have to think of something else.

Try to use something that’s easy to remember. Avoid numbers. Spammers use numbers.


2. Follow the instructions on screen.

Follow some people.

Twitter will give you a list of suggestions.

You could type “pinkpebs” into the search box and follow me, too.


3. Follow all the instructions – press “skip” if you don’t want to do something, but try not to skip this next screen, Add Character.

If you don’t upload a photo, twitter will use an egg. Newbies are Eggs. No-one trusts an egg.

Also, no-one trusts a cleavage photo. Spammers use cleavage photos.

Choose a picture, even if it’s a cartoon or something. Press “upload image” and find an image to use. It’ll tell you if the image you choose is too big or the wrong type.

You don’t have to write a Bio – it helps people know who you are, so it depends on whether you want people to know who you are as to whether you fill this bit in. If you do, you get 160 characters for this bit.


4. Now your account is created – twitter will ask you to confirm your email address so best go to your inbox and click the link, then it’ll trust you.

5. Explore!

You could click on the #discover link at the top and see some more recommendations.

@connect will take you to a list of messages you’ve received or conversations you’re included in.

Pressing Me will take you to a list of your tweets. This is probably blank just now so go back to Home and tweet something.

Remember that it’s possible for everyone to see what you tweet. Pretty unlikely until someone follows you, though.

If you want to direct a tweet at a particular person, find their profile and find out their twitter profile name and include it in your message. An example could be “Hello @pinkpebs I’m new“. If you don’t include their name they won’t know it’s for them and may not see it.

OK That’ll do for starters – if you can’t work the rest out yourself then you really must be an idiot. Twitter is much easier for newbies these days than it was when I joined. If you need help, ask people – preferably not famous ones though cos they tend not to answer.

Good luck